Saturday, September 26, 2009

Going the Wrong Direction

For the past couple of weeks I have not been feeling well. It all started two weekends ago when I was just physically drained. I had a very busy Saturday and by Sunday I couldn't do a thing. I just laid around the house. The following Thursday night as I my head hit the pillow, I could feel a headache above my left eye begin. Within a few minutes I was congested. I knew that meant a sinus infection had just begun. I went to work that Friday, even though I felt miserable. Then I spent that entire weekend at home getting sicker and sicker. I stayed home from work Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. On Monday afternoon, I finally had had enough and went to the doctor. He tested me for the flu. Thank goodness I didn't have that! I did have an ear and sinus infection. He put me on an antibiotic and also told me to take Mucinex D. I went back to work on Thursday and Friday feeling a bit better, but still suffering with plugged up ears, congestion, and a cough. Today I woke up feeling worse than I did yesterday. I have completed taking all of the medicine, and I think I should be feeling better than I am. I may need to head back to the doctor.

Anyway, with all of this going on I haven't felt I had the strength to cook proper meals or to go shopping for healthy foods. My new healthy lifestyle plan as gone right out the window before I even had a real chance to give it a try. If I had been well into my new plan, this illness wouldn't have phased me. I would have kept up with my healthy meals, but since I wasn't strong and in control of the plan yet, I have made very poor eating choices.

Another problem I have faced is that when I feel sick, I tend to eat more. Most people do the opposite, but not me. Actually, the only time during the day when I feel like I can breath is when I am in the process of eating. I know that is crazy, but that is the honest truth.

So, last week I didn't even weigh myself. I didn't want to have a gain make me feel even worse than I already was feeling. This morning, I did weigh myself. I just had to know how much damage I have done in the past two weeks. Well, I have gained 5 pounds! That's actually less than I thought, but still not good. I am now less than two pounds away from going over 300 again. I DO NOT WANT TO REACH 300 POUNDS AGAIN!

My goal for this week is to find the strength, while I am still battling being sick, to at least watch what I am eating and make healthier choices than I have been.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

My New Plan

I've spent the last week searching for a healthy eating plan that will be just right for me. I've spent hours reading weight loss success stories on other blogs, perusing diet info on various other sites, skimming through diet books in the library, and looking through numerous recipes. All of these things, along with my history with Weight Watchers, has brought me to this conclusion -- I'm going to have to come up with a plan that works for me by taking the best of all of the other plans that are out there.

I told hubby today that even though the plans can be vastly different, there does seem to be some commonalities among them. I'm going to start with those things that most nutritionists, doctors, dieters, etc. seem to agree with. I'm going to incorporate those ideas into my new lifestyle and add other things that I may need specifically for me. Things that will meet my individual health needs of being diabetic, having high blood pressure, and being prone to kidney stones.

I know this is going to take me quite awhile to develop. I also told hubby that it will be a full-time job to make a plan and put it into action. Since, I already have a 'real' full-time job, this new lifestyle plan will have to be worked on in my spare time. I've decided, though, that I can't afford to wait till it is all finished and in place to use it. I need to start with the parts that I know will be in the plan now, then incorporate other components as I can. I may even need to change and tweak things that I start out with as I become more knowledgeable, and as I see what works for me.

For now, here is what I know :

*I need to drink at least 8 - 8 oz. glasses of water a day.
*I need to limit my carbs to 40-45 grams per meal and 15-30 carbs per snack.
*I need to eat a small meal or snack every 2-3 hours.
*I need to take a multivitamin daily.
*I need to eat at least 5 servings of fruits and vegetables daily.
*I need to have 2 servings of dairy daily.
*I need to limit animal protein to low-fat varieties and slowly decrease my daily amount consumed with the goal of eliminating meat all together.
*I need to use whole grain products and stay away from processed white flour items.
*I need to replace sugar with Splenda.
*I need to incorporate 2 tsp. of a healthy oil (olive, canola) into my meals daily.
*I need to be in bed by 11:00 each night.
*I need to keep a record of what I eat, whether I post it here or keep it private.
*I need to write about this whole process and the feelings I have along this journey. New challenge beginning this week is The Biggest Loser OFB Style.
*I need to participate in challenges to keep me motivated and to make this journey fun.
*I need to work up to walking for at least 30 minutes a day.
*I need to weigh-in on Saturday mornings. I tried doing it on Wednesdays for the
Shrink for Good challenge I am participating in, but that day does not work with my mental motivation to stay on program throughout the week and weekend.

Wow! That really looks like a lot of stuff to work on already. But, I also know that I don't know everything yet, so some of those items will be developed further over time. For now, this is a good starting point. I will think of this list as my goals. I will not put a time limit on them as there will be no ending point to them. After all, this is about changing my lifestyle for ever, not just till I reach a certain weight.

As for a weight goal, I have in my head that I would like to weigh 150 pounds. The lightest I have ever been as an adult was 4 1/2 years ago when I weighed 158 pounds for all of a week. So, I don't know if 150 pounds is a realistic weight for me to maintain, but I think it might be. And, again, I'm not going to attach a date to when this goal will be reached. It will take as long as it takes, and then I will have to spend the rest of my life maintaining it.

I want to send a big thank you out to all of you who have been so supportive of me during this past week of unhealthy eating. Your comments are very much appreciated.

Also, a thank you goes out to Operation Fat Blaster for their challenges. This last week's challenge to make a plan and set some goals came at a time when I needed it the most.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Shrink For Good Week 2

Just a quick update on the Shrink for Good challenge over at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jean's site. This past week was not a good one for me. I've been struggling big time since Friday evening. Consequently, my weigh-in this morning showed a gain of 4.2 pounds. That's right - over 4 pounds! Pretty disgusting, I know.

Anyway, I'm not going to take any food out of my basket because of the gain. After all, the food is going for a good cause. I will hopefully get back on track soon.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

On Carb Overload!

At this very moment I am feeling quite ill. It is almost too hard to put into words. I feel like the sugar in my body is just racing around inside me and pulsing through my veins. I never used to feel this way when I ate too much, but the last couple of times I have gone overboard I have had this same exact feeling. It lasts for hours and about drives me insane. I think my body is trying to tell me that enough is enough with all of these unhealthy food choices. I am diabetic, and I need to start taking care of myself.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Round and Round We Go

Do you ever find yourself going along with a pretty good day, then 'BAM' life just hits you in the face? That's what I feel like happened today. After having a pretty out-of-control eating weekend, I started out this morning with a positive attitude and determination to get back on track. It lasted about seven hours, then 'BAM'. Out of nowhere I got this sinking depressed feeling, and I knew without a doubt I was going to spend the rest of the day eating.

I spent the better part of the afternoon and early evening hours thinking and soul searching. I needed to find the reason I did this to myself yet again. What I came up with was one word - loneliness. Really loneliness due to the distance I am from my family. This has been a problem my whole life.

I grew up moving every two to three years as my dad was in the Air Force. I thought it was a great childhood as I got to literally travel the world. But, the one thing we were lacking was time spent with our extended family. We would see them about every three years for about a week or two. Not really enough time to really get close to anyone.

Then, when I graduated from high school I traveled from Germany, where my dad was stationed at the time, to Utah to go to college. I loved it in Utah and stayed there for most of my adult life. That is where I met my first husband and raised my three children. But, again, the thing I didn't have in Utah was extended family. My parents ended up retiring in Texas. My sister followed them there a few years later. My brother did end up in Utah, but I never got the chance to see him and his family too very often.

Now I am in Idaho with my second husband and we are away from all family. He was born and raised in Texas and we lived there for about 18 months after we were first married, but I didn't like being so far away from my children. So, when the opportunity for a job came up in Idaho we jumped. Idaho is right next to Utah after all.

My dream has always been to be close enough to family and relatives to be able to do things with them, especially on holidays. Today is Labor Day. Not a big deal really when it comes to holidays, but I still got that feeling of loneliness as I realized that here was another holiday where I was doing nothing special and had no one to really share it with. Hubby even spent the whole day at work leaving me home alone with my pup.

I guess I have to come to terms with the fact that my dream for holidays is never going to come to pass. Sure there will be the occasional Christmas or Thanksgiving when we will be around family, but it will never be a constant in my life.

We travel down to Utah frequently, but no one hardly ever comes up here to visit us. In the two and a half years we have lived here, my son has been to my home once, my daughters twice. My dad has visited twice, my mom once. Hubby's mom and sister have been here once, too. That's it.

It makes me very sad, and when I am sad I turn to food. And, when I turn to food I get upset with myself. It is just like the David Archuleta song Let Me Go.

Can't you see these highs and lows
Take us down and slowly take their toll
Misguided I don't know
Where we're headed tell me now
Cause, round, round and round we go!
And when it stops you say you don't know.
But each time I try to stop this ride
You say it's not time.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Sunday's Blast from the Past - 4th Edition

This post was originally written on May 17, 2009. It was my 47th week on Weight Watcher's and explains some of the struggles I was having. Unfortunately, those struggles continued throughout the summer. I thought this was a good post for me to revisit as this Labor Day weekend has found me throwing my program right out the window again, and I will find myself tomorrow morning looking at another Monday trying to get refocused. The original title was "Weekly Weigh-In Week 47".

It has been an awfully long time since I have written. I have now completed my 47th week on Weight Watchers. I am down 87 pounds!!! I should be thrilled, but I have been struggling since the last week of March. My weight has been up and down since then. I don't know why I am doing this to my body. I was down 97 pounds and staring a 100 pound loss in the face, when my resolve began to faulter. It is like I sabotaged myself. I have done this before. Over four years ago when I was with-in eight pounds of reaching my Weight Watcher goal, I started overeating and yo-yoing up and down. I never did reach my goal then, and here I am having to lose all of that weight plus more again.

I was at my Weight Watcher meeting yesterday feeling pretty disgusted with myself, but ready to get back on program. I had made a menu and a grocery list and went to do my shopping after the meeting ended. By the time I had gotten through Wal-mart I had put a package of a dozen cupcakes from the bakery into my cart. I was barely home and in my front door before I had gobbled down a cupcake. So much for being back on program. I ate horribly for the rest of the day.

This morning I was bound and determined to get back on program. I ate a healthy breakfast and headed off to church. When I got home just after the noon hour, I was starved. Instead of making and eating a healthy lunch, I devoured two more of those cupcakes. Then I ate poorly the rest of the day.

Now it is nearly 10:30 in the evening and I am waiting for some No-Bake Chocolate/Peanut-butter Oat Cookies to cool, so I can eat a couple before going to bed. My husband had talked about these cookies with his mom on the phone earlier today. His mom was telling him how his neice had made a volcano for a school project and it had turned out looking more like these cookies than a volcano. I made the mistake of mentioning to him that I had a recipe for those cookies. He got a gleam in his eye and his mouth began to salivate. He asked if I could make those cookies tonight. So, being the dutiful wife, I made the cookies.

Now I am wondering how am I ever going to get back on the program tomorrow, Monday. BUT, I just have to find a way.

No-Bake Chocolate/Peanut-butter Oat Cookies
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
1/4 cup milk
1/4 cup butter or margarine
1/4 cup peanut-butter
1 3/4 cups Old Fashioned oats
In a medium saucepan mix sugar and cocoa. Add milk and butter. Put over medium heat and bring to a boil stirring frequently. Boil for 1 minute. Remove from heat. Stir in peanutbutter and oats. Drop by rounded spoonfuls onto a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper or foil. Let stand until firm and cool. I actually like to put mine in the fridge. Store in an airtight container.
Serving Size 1 cookie; too many WW points to even think about!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Shrink For Good Week 1

This past weekend I joined the Shrink for Good challenge over at The Sisterhood of the Shrinking Jean's site. The idea is to donate a pound of food for every pound you lose between now and October 17th, to your local food bank. I think this is such a fun and worthwhile activity to do to support my community.

Last year when I was still attending Weight Watcher's they had a similar campaign that I participated in. At that time I decided to donate enough food to equal the amount of total weight I had lost thus far instead of just the weight I had lost during the campaign's six week run. It felt GREAT donating almost fifty pounds of food! I went to Sam's Club and bought cases of canned goods and then carried them into my Weight Watcher's meeting. People just looked at me as I kept going back out to my car to get more food. I loved that day!

Anyway, Shrink for Good wants us all to weigh in on Wednesdays, which is today. So, this morning before work I hopped on the scale. I didn't really know what to expect since I was really in middle of my week, and I had just weighed on Saturday. I was pleasantly surprised to see a 1.6 pound loss! That equals 25.6 ounces of food.

I went into my food pantry and picked out a can of refried beans and a box of corn muffin mix to put in my basket for the food bank. The can of beans was 16 ounces and the corn mix is 8.5 ounces for a total of 24.5 ounces of food. I will make up the 1.1 ounce difference next week.

I can't wait to see this basket fill up with food. Not only will it be a reminder of the small contribution I am making to those less fortunate than me, but it will also represent all of the weight that is coming off of my body.
I'm a lifetime yo-yo dieter who has spent most of my time on the up swing. On a few rare occasions I have been down in the weight game and it is then that I feel FANTASTIC. Just a few months ago I was in middle of one of those rare periods when all was going well and the pounds were coming
off. Then something went awry, and I started gaining it all back again. So here
I am starting over. Follow me on my journey to health and fitness.

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