Monday, March 8, 2010

A New Beginning? or Not?

I had a horrible time last night with stomach pains and indigestion. I was up several times to race to the bathroom and felt horrible. Then the phone rang just after 8:00 a.m. waking me up on this my much anticipated day off. It was my doctor's office calling to tell me the results of the home sleep test I took last week. The doctor wants to put me on oxygen, but has one more test for me to take first. He's hoping that the results of that test will qualify me for a C-PAP machine. This news was not the way I wanted to begin my week or my day.

The bad news continued as I weighed myself. I was disgusted to see that I was within 4 pounds of hitting 300 pounds, yet again. "I CANNOT let this happen!" my brain was screaming.

Then I took my blood sugar reading and it was higher than I like it to be. My reading 2 hours after breakfast was also not good, just down a few points from the fasting number.

All of these things added up to one important decision. I HAVE to begin taking care of myself. I joined Bob Greene's Diabetes Best Life Plan about a month ago, and today seemed like the perfect day to take it seriously.

I had a healthy breakfast, planned out my menu for the week, made a grocery list, did some things around the house, and got ready for my lunch date with a dear friend of mine. We decided to meet at Sizzler as we both could make some healthy choices there. I did well and enjoyed my lunch, but I left the restaurant feeling hungry. "How could that be?" I thought.

My next stop was Barnes and Noble. I love that store! I bought a couple of books then headed out to Wal-mart. I was getting hungrier by the minute. I said to myself, "You can't be hungry, you just had lunch." But,none-the-less, I was having hunger pangs. I soon found myself in the drive-thru lane at Dairy Queen. I ordered a large cone and ate it as I continued driving toward Wal-mart. Thankfully, the cone did fill me up, and I wasn't hungry anymore.

I did okay at Wal-mart buying the healthy foods I had on my list. I made one poor choice when I saw the Pillsbury cookie dough was on sale. I bought two packages. When I got home, I put up the groceries and sat down at the computer to check e-mail and watch an episode of General Hospital. I just had to break into the cookie dough, then added some salsa and tortilla chips to my snack. Later, I took a two hour nap. This was not how I had planned to spend my afternoon.

By the time my husband had gotten home from work, my healthy dinner plans were out the window. I had him go out and pick-up a hamburger and fries from Wendy's. I sat in front of the TV eating my unhealthy dinner at 8:00 at night. Then I added some more cookie dough to my stomach.

Why does taking care of myself have to be so hard. I had every good intention when I got up this morning, but I ended up making some pretty poor choices by day's end. I'm now sitting here feeling sick, both physically and mentally.

Well, tomorrow is another day and another beginning.

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I'm a lifetime yo-yo dieter who has spent most of my time on the up swing. On a few rare occasions I have been down in the weight game and it is then that I feel FANTASTIC. Just a few months ago I was in middle of one of those rare periods when all was going well and the pounds were coming
off. Then something went awry, and I started gaining it all back again. So here
I am starting over. Follow me on my journey to health and fitness.

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